What’s So Difficult About Downsizing?

Insights from a Professional Organizer

So you’re standing in the middle of a room cluttered with things and each item is quietly holding you hostage.  At this point, the idea of decluttering feels like scaling a mountain in the fog. We all crave the serenity of an organized space, yet we often find ourselves tangled in the complexity of letting go of the obstacles in the way of that goal. But why? Why is it so challenging to part with our things? Though it may seem like laziness or lack of willpower, the difficulty is woven into our biology, psychology, and even the culture we breathe. Understanding this is the first step toward liberating ourselves from the clutter that clogs our lives.

Ancient Brains in a Modern World

On some level, it seems obvious why we would want to hang onto our stuff.  For our ancestors, gathering and holding onto resources meant the difference between life and death. Our brains, clever as they are, evolved to reward us for these behaviors. Fast forward thousands of years and the world has changed dramatically, but our biology hasn’t quite caught up. We still experience that rush from acquiring and holding onto things.  Simple and clear, right?

But there’s more to it. In his recent book SUBTRACT, Leidy Klotz, a professor at the University of Virginia researching the human fascination with more, discusses the work of the late psychologist Robert W. White who recognized that humans have a fundamental need to feel and show competence as a way of bringing meaning to our lives. Our belongings become symbols of our achievements: tangible proof that we’ve been here, we’ve succeeded, and we’ve mattered.  In this way, the “competence” that our belongings prove becomes meaning itself.  Letting go of things can feel like letting go of the existential proof of our existence. It’s no wonder it feels unnatural, even painful, to part with items that have become psychological extensions of ourselves.  

But here’s a thing I’ve been thinking about: what if we didn’t need proof?  What if we experienced our worth as truly intrinsic, based on the simple fact that we are alive?  Now that would be an experience of flow, right?  I truly wonder what kind of world it would be with this kind of authentic bedrock from which to live our lives.  

(More on this rabbit hole in next month's blog.)

Easy Consumerism

We all know that from the moment we open our eyes in the morning, we’re bombarded with messages that equate having more things with being more of a person. The ads, the social media feeds, the status symbols— our worth, it seems, is measured by what we accumulate, and each new purchase tries to fill a void we aren’t even consciously aware exists. 

In fact, our entire economy and national identity leans on this principle of more. The gross domestic product (GDP), the yardstick used to measure our nation’s health and well-being, depends soley on how much we produce and consume, not on how happy, connected, and expressed we are.  This remains true even though the data shows all this consumption definitely doesn’t make us happier.  

The Art of Letting Go

According to our friend Mr. Klotz, the problem is, in the face of life’s difficulties, we rarely even think about removing obstacles.  In most situations, we immediately come up with things to add to our situations to make us feel better.  His research proves that our minds are hardwired to perceive value in what we can touch and what we can count. Open space, on the other hand, is an abstract concept that is hard to grasp and hard to feel because it can’t be quantified.  Possibility can’t be counted.  Less stuff is just the presence of possibility, and our brains, always craving certainty, struggle to understand this indefinable void. 

Yet, it’s precisely this emptiness that holds the key to our flow.  Letting go isn’t just about making space in our homes; it’s about making space in our lives and in our minds. It’s about recognizing that what we gain through decluttering is far more valuable than what we lose.  An uncluttered space is that rich earth where we can consciously create our days and years, where hopes and dreams can take root, and where freedom and clarity are the treasures of life.  

Finding Flow

This is where a professional organizer comes in.  The process of organizing is not just about sorting and discarding; it’s about untangling the emotional and psychological knots that bind us to our stuff. A professional organizer can help you see your belongings for what they are—tools that should serve you, not anchors that should weigh you down. Working with a professional organizer is less about fancy containers and delightful photos on Instagram and more about what happens in the brain and the nervous system with a supportive organizing partner.   Because the nervous system reacts to clutter and disorder with stress, anxiety, and a sense of being overwhelmed, the mental and emotional state of being disorganized can make you feel really stuck.  By attuning to the stable energy of a calm nervous system, your system will naturally regulate toward that focus and ease.  The sense of overwhelm diminishes, and you can engage more effectively with the organizing process.  In this shared attunement, tasks become lighter and decisions easier, helping you create a space that reflects who you are now, not who you once were.

The Joy of Transformation

Mr. Klotz encourages us to reframe the way we think about loss in the context of our stuff.  Instead of seeing decluttering as losing our things, we have the opportunity to see it as a creative process: the process of creating happiness.  By letting go, we’re creating room for what truly matters.  We’re making space for joy, for growth, and for peace.  By focusing on the possibilities that come with less, we can actively participate in releasing the fears that cause us to constantly crave more.

Organizing, at its core, is a powerful, life-affirming act. We’re not just changing our homes; we’re changing our lives. And that, my friends, is the true joy of decluttering.

Let’s Do It!

So, inspired by the insights of Leidy Klotz, here’s a practical roadmap for navigating your decluttering journey:

INVERT: If you're feeling dissatisfied or stuck, look first at the obstacles. Identify what needs to be removed instead of immediately trying to come up with something to add in order to fix the way you feel. You are not defined by your stuff, but your stuff might be blocking you from truly understanding and expanding who you are on the inside.

EXPAND: Approach life as a dynamic balance of adding and subtracting. Think of it as a system. Be creative and intentional with both. You have the power to make decisions that align with your true self and your aspirations.  One good way to implement this expansion is to have rules to follow, ie: if you bring something into the home, something else has to go.

DISTILL: Simplify and refocus your life around what truly matters—people, not things. Strip away the excess and aim for the essence of what makes you happy. Embrace simplicity over complexity.

PERSIST: Remember, this process is for you. Make decluttering and subtracting a habit, a regular part of your life. There is no finish line, just the continuous flow of you creating the life you want. Keep going, because every step you take in letting go makes more room for what truly matters.